The 12 pubs of Christmas is a festive phenomenon that can be a bit of craic once people behave themselves but in rural Ireland it can be a task given that, county towns aside, you're unlikely to find 12 pubs close to each other.
So what to do, what to do? How about you get your friends together and embark on a 12 pubs of Christmas in Dublin but with a twist? A 12 pubs designed for you and your kind.
Introducing The Sliced Pan's 12 Culchie Pubs of Dublin:
North of the Liffey
First things first. When someone arrives up to Dublin from the country they need to get the dinner and no 12 pubs is going to get in the way of that. So why not kill two birds with the one stone by getting food and a cheeky pint in Fagans of Drumcondra? If you arrive early enough you could even get the carvery. Culchies love a good carvery.
After that it's onto the usual Croke Park matchday haunts of Quinns and the Big Tree before a hop, skip and a jump to Phibsborough to sample some of the local establishments of many a misplaced countryman/woman. A pint each in The Hunt and McGowans and then back in towards the city and the preference of many a westerner, Tommy Mayes at the top of Frederick Street.
Six pubs down and anyone who was up to do the milkin' early that morning is surely getting hungry again to so there's time for another bit of grub and a pint in the Boar's Head on Capel Street. The most Cavan place in Ireland outside of Ireland, you can get yourself a burger and chips for around a tenner and there'll be no shortage of GAA chat.
South of the Liffey
Speaking of GAA it wouldn't be a proper country night out in Dublin without a visit to Mulligans on Poolbeg Street; a favoured establishment of the late great Con Houlihan. It's a little out of the way but serves one of the best pints of Guinness in the capital.
Next we move on to culchie nirvana. Our Garden of Eden if you will. Camden Street. There you will meet with like-minded, Tipperary people mostly, in the establishment known as Ryans before a visit to the ubiquitous Flannerys.
A country person must be very careful to not fall victim to the allure of Flannerys and stay there the whole night. Remember you've a 12 pubs to finish and there are just two to go!
The second last stop on this journey is Cassidys at the bottom of the street before the final destination. I wonder where watering hole no.12 could be?? Where else other than Coppers!? Hopefully you'll make it in time to catch the 5ive megamix and S Club 7.
You're only up in Dublin for the day but some of us culchies have to live here so don't make a fuckin' show of us. Enjoy yourself, have a bit of manners and don't act the pup!