The other day I was thumbing through the usual barrage of Snapchat stories you wake up to and I suddenly came to the realisation that this is all a complete and utter waste of time.
What's the point of it all, really? Snapchat stories serve no purpose. Bar the one in 100 people who might actually put the effort into trying to post something funny, the rest is just complete and utter manure. I looked through my list of Snapchat friends and came to the conclusion that one person posts a story on a regular basis that might in some way serve to entertain someone.
The problem of course is that I can't stop clicking. If the little circle is there it will be clicked! I can't just walk away. So instead I'm issuing a plea. Today, let's start a movement. A movement against crap that is taking up too much time in our day. Shit we're watching just for the sake of it. Today let's ban these six different types of Snapchat stories.
1. Snapchatting gigs
First of all, if I wanted to be at the concert I'd go. Secondly, you can't even hear what is being played so what exactly is the point? You are providing no service to anyone. Has anyone ever said 'Oh I really enjoyed watching that Kodaline gig your Snapchat story?' No. No they have not.
Plus, you're at a live gig. Put the fucking phone away and enjoy actual real life things happening in your vicinity.
2. 101 selfies on nights out
What purpose do they serve? 'Why PJ, it sure looked like you and your group of friends were having a swell time when you sent those 90 selfies. And the following week in those selfies that looked that exact same as every bunch of selfies you've ever posted.'
And on that note actually, STOP SENDING VIDEOS OF YOURSELF MAKING YAGER BOMBS! Everyone knows what a yager bomb is and no one gives a shite if you're drinking one, you hard bastard. Get over it.
3. 'Love this girl'
If you love that girl then spend some quality time with her and quit telling me afuckingbout it!
4. Snapchatting everything you do in your day
We get it, you're having fun. There's no need to keep trying to prove it to everyone. How about you put the phone down and try enjoy it through the wonders of human vision, rather than viewing everything through the phone on your camera.
By the way, the most recent phenomenon of snapchatting the opening credits of ever Star Wars film is the worst.
5. Showing off that you're at the gym
There can be no other motive behind this than your complete inability to do something with having to show off. No one's day is better off for seeing a photo of you working out.
You're not The Rock.
6. Snapchatting food
'NOM! NOM NOM! All the noms!' For the love of Christ, everyone knows what a slice of chocolate cake looks like. Just eat the fucking thing!
I come to you today, pleading that we can come together as a nation and agreed that this Christmas Day we will, as a society, refrain from sending a Snapchat of our Christmas dinner. Put the phone away!
In conclusion, we all must strive to up our Snapchat game. Even I, the procurer of all things great taste, have fallen into the lazy trap of posting some of these kinds of stories. But, no more. No more I say! We must do better, we can do better and we will do better!
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