The News

The Daily Mail Has Produced The Worst Article Ever Written

The Daily Mail Has Produced The Worst Article Ever Written

As Irish people we have a bit of a history for failing to understand Britain's infatuation with the Royal Family (I'm more of a Royle Family man myself) but even the Daily Mail's own readers are aghast at their latest offering of absolute garbage.

In fact garbage may be a bit of an understatement. Tripe, manure, horseshit, a blight on the collective intelligence of the human race - call it what you will.

Yesterday they took their Kate Middleton obsession to a whole new level as a photo of the Duchess of Cambridge adorned the front page of their paper under the headline 'Feeling the Xmas strain are you, Kate?'

Basically they came across a few photos of Middleton looking, you know, completely normal and decided to pen a think piece around how the pressures of raising a family, being in the Royal Family and preparing for Christmas are taking their toll on her.

Not to mention the fact that the Daily Mail then went on to seemingly reveal her inner most thoughts, which could have been obtained in some sort of mind reading scandal that would make anything phone hacking related look pretty mannerly.


The online version of the article carries the sub-heading:

Our columnist sympathises with Kate who's deep in the 'baby tunnel'.

A baby tunnel? I'm as confused as you are. Anyhow, the real bollocks starts as we delve deeper into the body of this Pulitzer piece.

With her normally lustrous and bouncy hair scraped into an updo and her eyes puffy and lined, the 33-year-old Duchess of Cambridge looked absolutely shattered as she left Peter Jones, the Sloane Square department store.

I could fight this on their level by arguing that they're basing this on one or two photos of her with her hair caught in the wind but the fact of the matter is that even if she did look tired what the hell reason have they to write about it?

They follow that up with 'Some online critics unkindly suggested that Kate – wrapped up in a £325 houndstooth coat from Reiss – looked closer to 40 than 30.' I did a quick search on Twitter for those critics. I found one. One tweet. And again, I refer you my previous rebuttal.

The writer bullshits some sort of sympathy for Middleton before delivering perhaps the most farcical sentence of the year:

Is it any wonder, then, that when captured off-duty, the duchess seems weary and troubled?

If it's no wonder then why the fuck are you writing about it!?

And here we go. The main event. The pièce de résistance. A psychological evaluation of a complete stranger. Read this and try not to vomit.

But for all the outside scrutiny, Kate’s biggest critic is, I suspect, herself. She’s a woman of extreme drive and determination, as we saw when she and William were courting.

She gave birth to both her children in the same unflinchingly professional manner, posing on the steps of the hospital looking immaculate just hours after the arrival of Charlotte.

The idea that she might cut herself some slack after an exhausting week and curl up in front of the telly with a plate of crumpets and a cup of tea is inconceivable to someone as personally uncompromising as Kate.

What complete and utter drivel. What's worse is that they think they are doing her some sort of service. The article closes with 'These pictures might just show her – and be the wake-up call she needs to finally do what everyone is probably begging her to do: slow down, stop being such a perfectionist and have a well-deserved rest.'


Christ almighty. Although it's hardly surprising, given that a few days before the Mail published 'Is Kate turning into her MOTHER? Duchess of Cambridge looks uncannily like Carole after a four-inch trim (but they already swap clothes and share a hairdresser).'

I long for the day that a photographer has to write the article  'Is this Kate's fist about to connect with my FACE?'

Like us on Facebook

Follow us on Twitter

Mark Farrelly
Article written by
Cavan bureau chief. Former Miss World 1997 contestant.

You may also like

World In Uproar As Jammie Dodgers Change Their Recipe
The News
Some Poor Irish Fecker Called Tommy O'Malley Is Dominating The US Presidential Election
The News
Election Newsflash: Kildare TD Shouted Out of Hotel in Bravura Example of Dignified Statesmanship
The News