Global society has its issues: lack of equal opportunities for women and so-called minorities, racism, terrorism, Donald Trump, climate change and countless more. But if there's one thing we simply won't stand for, it's food brands even slightly tweaking the recipe to our favourite snacks.
The sheer audacity, then, of biscuit-makers Burton's, who have sullied their own product - the coveted Jammie Dodger - with new ingredients and all-new taste. It's like the 2015 Creme Egg scandal all over again.
Made from shortbread with a sticky raspberry jam filling and having been in production for more than 50 years, Jammie Dodgers will now include milk protein.
This is piss-poor news for vegans and those with a lactose intolerance who, considering their reaction to these admittedly shocking revelations, seem to live on an almost exclusive diet of the fucking things.
One parent told the Western Daily Press she was "bitterly disappointed" that her son, who is allergic to dairy, would no longer be able to eat the snack.
It's very difficult to find safe foods for my little boy to eat,
said Danielle Waller.
The Jammie Dodger was one of the few biscuits that was safe for him and he really loves them.
A spokesperson for Burton's said:
This work has been based on feedback we had previously received and has been undertaken to improve the flavour and texture of the product.
NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THE TEXTURE, BURTON'S!!!
— VeganWiki (@VeganWiki) March 7, 2016
A petition set up urging Jammie Dodgers to be returned to their former selves has already garnered close to 5,000 signatures.
i'd only just found out jammie dodgers were vegan and then they decide to put milk in them again, disappointed is an understatement
— tragic pasta spilled across rainy stone steps (@oatmiIk) March 10, 2016
I never realised how much my happiness depends on jammie dodgers until they stopped being vegan
— Kate Louise Powell (@KatePow3ll) March 10, 2016
Nothing more heartbreaking that finding out I can't eat jammie dodgers ever again 😭😭😭😭
— Matt Wilsøn 🇪🇺 (@_mattbw) March 10, 2016
they’re adding, completely unnecessarily, milk protein to jammie dodgers so vegans can no longer enjoy them this is the saddest news eVER
— Eloise (@LittleRowan) March 8, 2016