The News

Kerryman Who Slashed Neighbour's Tyres Found Sipping Champagne On Roadside At 5AM

Kerryman Who Slashed Neighbour's Tyres Found Sipping Champagne On Roadside At 5AM

A man found sipping champagne - while for some unknown to Christ reason sporting latex gloves - on a north Kerry roadside at 5am, had just wound it in for the night after slashing the tyres of his neighbour’s car, Tralee Circuit Court has heard.

Kelvin Coyne of Drumcunnig, Abbeydorney pleaded guilty to a number of charges dating back to June and July 2014 in what his defence barrister described as an ‘utterly bizarre’ case, presumably while fighting the urge to howl with laughter.

The court heard that Mr Coyne mistakenly believed that he hadn’t been paid properly for work on a neighbour’s house, and that on June 18th of last year, he went to town on this neighbour's property with a lump hammer, damaging a garage door and a motorbike.

The following month, the same neighbour was woken at 5am and discovered the tyres of her car had been slashed with a sharp object.

When gardaí arrived, they found Kelvin Coyne walking out of Abbeydorney village – off his trolley, swigging a bottle of champagne by the neck. He was also wearing latex gloves, which we'd have to suggest is not a great look when you've just been accused of committing a crime involving a weapon of some description.

Defence barrister Brian McInerney said that, 'even in Kerry, it was unusual to find someone drinking champagne at 5am on the roadside'.

It's difficult to see the direction Mr. McInerney was attempting to steer the case towards with such a proclamation, but in fairness to the man, he was probably pissing into the wind at that stage.

Judge Tom O’Donnell adjourned the case to January to allow for the payment of compensation of €1,560, the value of the damage caused.

Serious hat tip to Radio Kerry for this one.

Gavan Casey
Article written by
Former handwriting champion. Was violently bitten by a pelican at Fota Wildlife Park in 2001.

You may also like

World In Uproar As Jammie Dodgers Change Their Recipe
The News
Some Poor Irish Fecker Called Tommy O'Malley Is Dominating The US Presidential Election
The News
Election Newsflash: Kildare TD Shouted Out of Hotel in Bravura Example of Dignified Statesmanship
The News