Apple released plans for its new 'Apple Pencil' yesterday and nobody cares what it does.
Here are 9 reasons why your average, run-of-the-mill writing pencil is a better option this winter:
1) Better battery life
The Apple pencil is made by Apple, so it probably has a shorter lifespan than the common mayfly. Actually, it definitely does; mayflies live for up to one day. A normal pencil, on the other hand, has developed an incredibly innovative system whereby it doesn't even need batteries.
2) No software updates
There's no such thing as Faber Castell 9.12113321. There are no bugs to fix with a normal pencil.
An ordinary HB pencil will set you back roughly 22c. An Apple Pencil will cost you, at the very least, €88. If you return your Apple Pencil, you can buy up to 400 normal pencils. You could even create some kind of pencil structure.
4) You can write with a normal pencil
If you take your normal pencil to paper, it will leave a small but noticeable lead imprint on the page. The Apple Pencil's features include not being able to do this.
5) With a normal pencil, you can rub out your mistakes
You can not rub out your purchase of an Apple Pencil lest you drink an ostentatious volumes of alcohol, turn to drugs or, alternatively, undergo a rigorous session of hypnosis by a trained professional.
6) If you break a normal pencil in half, you can make two pencils
If you break an Apple Pencil in half, you can make somebody incredibly angry. It will also no longer work.
7) You can flick or stab your nearest enemy with a normal pencil
This will cost you €88 per assault with an Apple Pencil.
8) With a normal pencil, you can pretend you're magic
This trick won't work well with the chunkier, shorter piece of shit Apple Pencil:
9) Using a normal pencil, you can create your own Apple Pencil for just over 50c
— Daddy (@LifeisSavage) September 9, 2015
The new Steve Jobs.