We might have the sexiest accent in the world according to every poll ever (except for Louth - the Louth accent is a disgrace), but Irish men's fashion sense, especially when it comes to summer wear, is bordering on prehistoric. It's time to examine where we're going wrong:
Rockin' The Shorts-Socks Combo
As a nation we refuse to abandon socks, even during the two-day long dead heat of summer. It's basically a case of, "I'm going to wear what I wore in February, minus the legs of my pants." Which leads us to:
The Shorts-Black Socks Ensemble
Naturally, we've had to blur out these men's faces to preserve whatever shred of dignity they have left. Socks fit for a school uniform paired with shorts is also closely linked to:
Our Failure To Embrace Summer Shoes
Just incredible.
Flowery Shorts
Flowery shorts were selected by nature to die out with Adidas Goodyears circa 2010, but thanks to some clever marketing from Penneys, Ireland is the one remote corner of the globe where they are rumoured to have survived the transition to shorter chino shorts with the legs rolled up.
Of course, we say 'rumoured, when what we really mean is 'confirmed.' Just look out your window and you'll see a full blossom.
Socks and Sandals
Okay, we've listed the dreaded SS as a fashion faux pas, but in truth I think we can all respect that the world of Dad Fashion has entirely different standards to what we're used to. In fairness to dads, they don't give a shite what we think of the sock-sandal combo.
Tank-Tops/Wifebeaters/'Beaters
It's so funny when we think we're American.
Snapbacks
See 'Beaters.
Rugby Shorts
For some reason when we play sport - rugby in particular - we believe ourselves to be above the concept of 'looking good,' such is what we perceive to be their badge of honour-like stature in society.
GAA Shorts
Worse still. Perhaps best used to communicate with fellow Irishmen abroad, there is certainly no excuse for sporting a pair of O'Neills' finest within the confines of this island. Unless you're booting/pucking a ball around, of course.
Shaving Our Chests
As our British neighbours prepare to tear Ibiza a new one by removing every hair south of their heads, many would suggest Irish men's refusal to conform to the chest-waxing gobshitery that goes on across the Irish Sea as a failure to keep up with the times.
Incorrect. Waxing or shaving your chest is for fannies. Wear it with pride, like a national emblem. Just keep a bloody shirt on, lads, yeah?
Ear piercings
It's astonishing how, each summer without fail, we think we can pull off an earring or two. How summer is in any way different to say, October, when the shame kicks in and the earring is hauled back out, is anyone's guess.
Irish ear piercings are likely born of a delayed rebellion against the strictly uniformal Irish school system, or perhaps Irish fathers, who on seeing their son wearing an earring, are likely to vomit, pass out or scream "You can fuck off out of here until that thing is gone, anyway!"
When we try to look TOO fashionable
It's our sword to fall on. When we actually try, we're pulled up on it by our peers who just can't be arsed.
You might rock in thinking you look young, fly and flashy but you'll be met with confidence-crushing retorts like, "Jesus, I didn't know you were English?" and, "Do you think you're an Abercrombie model or something now ya bollocks?"
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