Stop Stripping Back Songs For TV Ads, You Goons!

Ah here, leave it out!

I think it's fair to say that brands have long exceeded their quota of stripped back songs in television ads. I don't know who started this shit but it has to stop now. One by one they are ruining all the songs I hold dear.

The proliferation of songs that I can no longer enjoy because they have been butchered by some Scandinavian clown is staggering.

Just look at what has happened over the last few weeks, not to mention the last few years. The obvious one is the John Lewis ad which features a cover of Oasis' Half the World Away.

The public ignorance of the original is not only disrespectful to Oasis but also to the BBC sitcom The Royle Family. By not being previously familiar with the song it means you are not familiar with The Royle Family, which in turn means that we cannot be friends.

And now we move onto the absolute scandal that is the stripped back version of 'You're the One that I Want' from the musical Grease. Who on earth would listen to the original and think 'Do you know what we should do with this? Strip it all back.' Yes, let's strip it of all hope, of all charm and charisma.

It comes as no surprise that a perfume is involved in this skulduggery of course. We can only revel in the fact that at least that ad makes some sort of narrative sense. Still though, how can you have the nerve to destroy a classic?

Finally, we come to the worst offender of the lot. Why is it the worst? Because they ruined one of my favourite songs, the pricks! Steve Winwood's Higher Love has been a tune which has long suffered at the hands of strippers and no-good-doers, so I can't say I'm too shocked that it is been torn apart yet again.

This time the culprit is Cow and Gate. Of all people!

How can you commit such a horrific crime? How can you improve on perfection? Fuck babies and their Cow and Gate! What about the people who can't enjoy playing GTA any more because their favourite song on the game is ruined? RUINED!